Oh, this gave me so many feelings. It’s so hard to let go of things that feel so intertwined with who you are and have been, but there’s also the clarity of choosing forward. What I don’t understand: how did you manage to read In Cold Blood while you were essentially alone in your house?????
Thanks so much, Deborah. And, about In Cold Blood. I don't know. I was both engaged and terrified. Probably too terrified to sleep. It wasn't the best decision of my life. A few years later, my spouse gave me a first edition copy of In Cold Blood. It's an object that will follow me into the next phase, and the next (I hope).
Both my husband and I have/had parents who lived in the same home for 40+ years, so, relatively speaking, since we’ve moved 5 times over 30 years it seems like a lot. About two years after my mom passed, we finally sold her home, my childhood home both because of her anxiety hoarding disorder and the challenges of four siblings very different perspectives on objects, grief, and letting go.
I think your kitchen table inspires a good writing prompt, fiction or nonfiction: what moments, large and small, occur around the table.
Yes! So many moments. I could arrange an entire memoir “around” this memoir. Come to think of it, this table features in my Brevity essay, “The Once Wife.” I can’t get rid of it! Not yet.
I wonder if, like the thirteen or so prior versions of my memoir, I can let it go? Such a great question Heidi. FYI, I live in a 485 sq..ft. tiny house in an RV park in Florida. I have no children living with me but my daughter is coming to visit in a month. It's amazing how little space we need. I'll be thinking of you as you let things go
Thanks, Trish. You’re living my dream life (once J graduates). I loved the process of getting and living small (1250 Square feet with 2 kids for 7 years) after my divorce. My spouse and I had been planning on doing this when J graduated, so we accelerated the timeline). It’s just that doing this on such a short notice (a couple approached us about buying our home!) has been rough. I bet that, on the other side of this move, we feel so much lighter.
Lily! Thank you so much! As I enter the final countdown (three weeks from today), I grow more hopeful this will be, as you say, a cozy home filled with time and space to write.
I have a table like this. Not a farmhouse table. It's this ugly little desk from IKEA that I bought the week I moved into my first solo apartment after my divorce. It's scratched and wobbly and I've moved it four times now. I keep meaning to replace it but I can't. It's proof I survived. This whole piece just made me tear up. The woman who hugged you? That's the kind of stranger kindness that gets you through. Wishing you good things with the move.
“It’s proof I survived.” Yes! I love this idea. That’s exactly what this is and why it’s so hard to release it. And, by the way, why I think it’s coming with me once again. Plus, my daughter told me she’d like it someday, if she’s ever living in a place large enough. (Right now, she’s in a 300-sq-foot apt in LA). Thanks for reading and commenting, and your well wishes!
Heidi, I love this! And I also can't wait to read your divorce memoir! In retirement, I think a lot about editing my life. In a lot of ways, my Substack is about that. The Someday Times could also be called The Final Draft or something similar. Anyhoo, great minds think alike because my March posts will be spring cleaning/spring edit related!
Lisa, it's been so cold here that I wasn't connecting March with spring ... but you're so right. Let the spring cleaning (some of it years overdue) begin in earnest. For encouragement, I'll be sure to keep tabs on your March posts!
I am jumping the gun on spring cleaning now because I think April might be all garden content! And I’m so happy to encourage others along as I do the tasks I’ve been putting off for too long!
Ahh, yes. Of course. I'm wondering if I'll be able to somehow move a tiny piece of my rhubarb plant to the new place. Researching how I might do this is on my to-do list.
Heidi, I felt your clear eyed determination as you forged this path forward with your family. Give the table a big kiss and maybe let it go, as you move on with the same determination and bravery that comes through here. Brava. I wish you all the love and luck in the world. You so deserve it.
I was just visiting a friend who used the top of her farmhouse table to top a kitchen island... maybe there's a win win new life for the table. Boy this essay brought the feels. My long ago therapist used to remind me that moving is one of the (he used to say) top 5 most stressful life events... not sure how true but it feels true to my experience. Topped off with job stress (I have sweated this a lot the past year as a fed)... my thoughts are with you and hopeful the job stuff is sorted out promptly.
Ooh. Now that could be an idea. The current island top in the house we're buying leaves much to be desired.
It's good to be reminded that we are living through two of the more stressful events in life, happening at the same time. Also, becoming grandparents, which is totally a positive change, but it's still a change. AND we live in Minneapolis. The last 6-7 months have been incredibly stress filled. I understand where you're coming from as a federal employee. Ugh. It's been a roller coaster with no guarantees. May radiant abundance find you!
Love the farm table. I've always wanted one. When we moved to Hawaii, which was temporary, I got rid of so much "stuff" so we could rent our home in Cambridge. In Cambridge, I have many (30?) vases. In Hawaii, I had two. I had a much bigger and nicer kitchen than I have in cambridge, but I couldn't fill it. We collect and collect. Great feeling to get rid of. Good luck with the transition - that can be challenging, but being on the other side will feel great. A friend once told me "right now it's all about good-bye but soon it will be all hello"
Take the table with you. Take the time to move and set it up in a new space for you to write. It's an amazing table you'll never be able to replace. It's solid ground for a new beginning. Thank you for the honesty and vulnerability to share what so many of us are experiencing - the financial pinch with job losses and rising costs of living. Real constraints of having to make more with less is a tax on the souls of Americans. The table is where you will make something new, better, richer. Keep writing.
Jill, thanks for this! You’ve given me the permission (and the advice) I think I needed (and wanted) to hear. I can and will find a place for this table. I will keep writing!
And, you are so right, this is getting so many people. When I’ve let people know this has happened, I’ve heard many similar stories in return. This one came for my spouse (who’s been actively employed for 35 years). I’m underemployed, with no benefits. I teach, which is my passion. The lack of benefits didn’t matter until this year (our son has complex medical issues and has specialists at the Mayo Clinic, not covered by the ACA-based insurance, except at a super high premium). In spite of three graduate degrees between us, we’re both finding it extremely difficult to get even a job interview at our ages (late 50s) and with AI screeners in the mix. Part of this move is an attempt to prepare us for the future that seems to be on our shores.
We moved in 2021 to our 3 bedroom townhome and I like to say that it’s efficient. Katie and Lucas are graduating this year so we considered moving and started looking in December, but quickly discovered that we would almost double our payment. We downsized many items and it’s a process that I enjoy much more than Nate does. Sending hugs during this time for you and your family.
I have moved a lot also. But not as much as you. Each move brought its own challenges and rewards. God has blessed me. Right now I’m deep into what does the rest of my life look like. Short for one. At 73 1/2 years, the rest is the short part. How should I spend my time? Good question. Your Aunt.
Hey Aunt Claudia! Thank you for reading. I'd say you've been making some pretty excellent use of these back-half chapters ... learning to play the violin, learning Norwegian, traveling, hosting exchange students, in addition to some pretty solid grandmothering time. You inspire me!
Oh, this gave me so many feelings. It’s so hard to let go of things that feel so intertwined with who you are and have been, but there’s also the clarity of choosing forward. What I don’t understand: how did you manage to read In Cold Blood while you were essentially alone in your house?????
Thanks so much, Deborah. And, about In Cold Blood. I don't know. I was both engaged and terrified. Probably too terrified to sleep. It wasn't the best decision of my life. A few years later, my spouse gave me a first edition copy of In Cold Blood. It's an object that will follow me into the next phase, and the next (I hope).
Both my husband and I have/had parents who lived in the same home for 40+ years, so, relatively speaking, since we’ve moved 5 times over 30 years it seems like a lot. About two years after my mom passed, we finally sold her home, my childhood home both because of her anxiety hoarding disorder and the challenges of four siblings very different perspectives on objects, grief, and letting go.
I think your kitchen table inspires a good writing prompt, fiction or nonfiction: what moments, large and small, occur around the table.
Yes! So many moments. I could arrange an entire memoir “around” this memoir. Come to think of it, this table features in my Brevity essay, “The Once Wife.” I can’t get rid of it! Not yet.
I wonder if, like the thirteen or so prior versions of my memoir, I can let it go? Such a great question Heidi. FYI, I live in a 485 sq..ft. tiny house in an RV park in Florida. I have no children living with me but my daughter is coming to visit in a month. It's amazing how little space we need. I'll be thinking of you as you let things go
Thanks, Trish. You’re living my dream life (once J graduates). I loved the process of getting and living small (1250 Square feet with 2 kids for 7 years) after my divorce. My spouse and I had been planning on doing this when J graduated, so we accelerated the timeline). It’s just that doing this on such a short notice (a couple approached us about buying our home!) has been rough. I bet that, on the other side of this move, we feel so much lighter.
Big sigh, and a wonderful feeling of freedom 😎
Oh Heidi! Gorgeous! The table, the memoir, the screw on legs, all of it, I hope the new home is cozy and filled with time and space to wrie
Lily! Thank you so much! As I enter the final countdown (three weeks from today), I grow more hopeful this will be, as you say, a cozy home filled with time and space to write.
I have a table like this. Not a farmhouse table. It's this ugly little desk from IKEA that I bought the week I moved into my first solo apartment after my divorce. It's scratched and wobbly and I've moved it four times now. I keep meaning to replace it but I can't. It's proof I survived. This whole piece just made me tear up. The woman who hugged you? That's the kind of stranger kindness that gets you through. Wishing you good things with the move.
“It’s proof I survived.” Yes! I love this idea. That’s exactly what this is and why it’s so hard to release it. And, by the way, why I think it’s coming with me once again. Plus, my daughter told me she’d like it someday, if she’s ever living in a place large enough. (Right now, she’s in a 300-sq-foot apt in LA). Thanks for reading and commenting, and your well wishes!
Heidi, I love this! And I also can't wait to read your divorce memoir! In retirement, I think a lot about editing my life. In a lot of ways, my Substack is about that. The Someday Times could also be called The Final Draft or something similar. Anyhoo, great minds think alike because my March posts will be spring cleaning/spring edit related!
Lisa, it's been so cold here that I wasn't connecting March with spring ... but you're so right. Let the spring cleaning (some of it years overdue) begin in earnest. For encouragement, I'll be sure to keep tabs on your March posts!
I am jumping the gun on spring cleaning now because I think April might be all garden content! And I’m so happy to encourage others along as I do the tasks I’ve been putting off for too long!
It would be dangerous to garden in Minnesota in April! Unless one has access to a greenhouse.
Same here! I'll just be getting things ready outside and starting some seeds inside, but I'm going to write posts with photos from last year.
Ahh, yes. Of course. I'm wondering if I'll be able to somehow move a tiny piece of my rhubarb plant to the new place. Researching how I might do this is on my to-do list.
Hope it works!
I loved the objective correlative of the old table. A potent reminder of shedding for this eclipse season!
Let the shedding begin!
Heidi, I felt your clear eyed determination as you forged this path forward with your family. Give the table a big kiss and maybe let it go, as you move on with the same determination and bravery that comes through here. Brava. I wish you all the love and luck in the world. You so deserve it.
Ryder, thank you so much. Sending so much love back at you. xo
I was just visiting a friend who used the top of her farmhouse table to top a kitchen island... maybe there's a win win new life for the table. Boy this essay brought the feels. My long ago therapist used to remind me that moving is one of the (he used to say) top 5 most stressful life events... not sure how true but it feels true to my experience. Topped off with job stress (I have sweated this a lot the past year as a fed)... my thoughts are with you and hopeful the job stuff is sorted out promptly.
Ooh. Now that could be an idea. The current island top in the house we're buying leaves much to be desired.
It's good to be reminded that we are living through two of the more stressful events in life, happening at the same time. Also, becoming grandparents, which is totally a positive change, but it's still a change. AND we live in Minneapolis. The last 6-7 months have been incredibly stress filled. I understand where you're coming from as a federal employee. Ugh. It's been a roller coaster with no guarantees. May radiant abundance find you!
Love the farm table. I've always wanted one. When we moved to Hawaii, which was temporary, I got rid of so much "stuff" so we could rent our home in Cambridge. In Cambridge, I have many (30?) vases. In Hawaii, I had two. I had a much bigger and nicer kitchen than I have in cambridge, but I couldn't fill it. We collect and collect. Great feeling to get rid of. Good luck with the transition - that can be challenging, but being on the other side will feel great. A friend once told me "right now it's all about good-bye but soon it will be all hello"
I love this, Morgan. Thank you! Looking forward to the hello!
Take the table with you. Take the time to move and set it up in a new space for you to write. It's an amazing table you'll never be able to replace. It's solid ground for a new beginning. Thank you for the honesty and vulnerability to share what so many of us are experiencing - the financial pinch with job losses and rising costs of living. Real constraints of having to make more with less is a tax on the souls of Americans. The table is where you will make something new, better, richer. Keep writing.
Jill, thanks for this! You’ve given me the permission (and the advice) I think I needed (and wanted) to hear. I can and will find a place for this table. I will keep writing!
And, you are so right, this is getting so many people. When I’ve let people know this has happened, I’ve heard many similar stories in return. This one came for my spouse (who’s been actively employed for 35 years). I’m underemployed, with no benefits. I teach, which is my passion. The lack of benefits didn’t matter until this year (our son has complex medical issues and has specialists at the Mayo Clinic, not covered by the ACA-based insurance, except at a super high premium). In spite of three graduate degrees between us, we’re both finding it extremely difficult to get even a job interview at our ages (late 50s) and with AI screeners in the mix. Part of this move is an attempt to prepare us for the future that seems to be on our shores.
Best wishes on your move. And set the table up in your new place. Screw the legs on and flip it over. Then get back to writing.
Heidi, sending love.
Thank you, Tami. ❤️❤️
The pain of leaving/shedding what we once loved is intense.
It’s surprising how much brain space these kind of “editorial” decisions occupy.
We moved in 2021 to our 3 bedroom townhome and I like to say that it’s efficient. Katie and Lucas are graduating this year so we considered moving and started looking in December, but quickly discovered that we would almost double our payment. We downsized many items and it’s a process that I enjoy much more than Nate does. Sending hugs during this time for you and your family.
Oh right. You got in before the interest rates skyrocketed. We did not.
I have moved a lot also. But not as much as you. Each move brought its own challenges and rewards. God has blessed me. Right now I’m deep into what does the rest of my life look like. Short for one. At 73 1/2 years, the rest is the short part. How should I spend my time? Good question. Your Aunt.
Hey Aunt Claudia! Thank you for reading. I'd say you've been making some pretty excellent use of these back-half chapters ... learning to play the violin, learning Norwegian, traveling, hosting exchange students, in addition to some pretty solid grandmothering time. You inspire me!